Thursday, September 18, 2008

Central Michigan Chippewas

Central Michigan University

Mascot: The Chippewas

Resembles: A big letter “C” tipping over (maybe it’s drunk?)

Known for: Sucking, because it’s not a real mascot! Oh - but now they have some light bulb-headed guy running around the basketball court.

Blasphemy! Along the likes of the University of Michigan and Indiana University, this school has no physical mascot for their football team! I feel sorry for Central Michigan students who will never witness their own foam-headed figure acting a fool on the field. However I’ve recently discovered they have this politically correct basketball-headed guy named “Rowdie” who cheers on their basketball team. A basketball head is much "safer" than a protest-laden Indian guy.

Originally, CMU was known as the “Dragons” and then the “Wildcats”. Then a former coach submitted “Bearcats” as a mascot, with the rationale that “it has all the fighting qualities of wildcats, and more, because no one ever saw a bearcat.”

So with that kind of rationale, why aren’t they the “Fighting Sasquatches”? No one -not on crack anyway -ever saw a Sasquatch in the woods either. Can you imagine some Chewbacca-looking thing running around the field? Hmmmmmm.

Anyway, the name “Bearcats” stuck until 1941. Then their coach argued that the name “Chippewas” honored the Chippewa Indian tribes who once lived in the area (uh, before they were kicked out). He stated that “…Chippewa opens up unlimited opportunities for pageantry and showmanship…” (Uh, you mean “mocksmanship”?)

And it could have been great, that is, until the Michigan Civil Rights Commission stepped in, caving into pressure from Native American rights groups. On March 1, 1989, an advisory committee to the school’s president recommended retaining the name with some provisions – (i.e., anything fun and cool must be removed.) No dancing Indians, no pow-wows, no feathers, no drums, no tee-pees.

Nope - "Squaws" not allowed at CMU.

Pack up the tee-pee kids, CMU can't afford the lawsuits.

CMU drummers are forced to stroke their drums in hiding. (Probably a good thing for everyone.)

A tramp stamp you would NOT see at CMU. Too suggestive of Indian feathers.

Overall rating: 1 out of 10

CMU needs to grow some stones - if you chose an Indian name for your athletic teams, you need to follow up with an Indian mascot. Boooo! CMU gets 1 point for the lame basketball-headed "Rowdie". Although he lacks originality, he does have an over-sized head with a goofy look on his face. Points are always awarded for mascots with disproportionate anatomy.

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